i think its more than one month in.

and im still alive.

he's still alive.

im not dying of sadness anymore, except for a few moments.

it helps to understand, that he is right now absolutely not ready for anything.

it also helps, that i am right now not ready for what he has going on.

that this has gone on too long for this to be a glitch in the matrix.

i can go to sleep now, pretty easily. i can wake up, with just a little pang in the morning.

and then it goes away for a while.

and i am still thankful for my friends, my work, my family.

and i am in limbo, but i am moving on.

even if i feel like going back sometimes, i remember, and i stop myself. i remember all those things, and i remember who i am, and i know what I deserve.

i miss him, because loving someone i still believe is the height of our humanity. and i only feel that with him. for now.